How To Win Someone's Heart

Whether the situation is a boy trying to win the heart of a girl, a parent trying to get through to his rebellious teenager, an employer trying to help a disgruntled employee, or a wife trying to break down emotional barriers in her husband, there is a secret to winning someone's heart: understanding.

No one can win another's heart without first understanding what it took to get that other person to the place where they are now. When you can walk emotionally and even, to some degree, mentally in the footsteps of another person, your understanding of who they are, how they got to where they are now, and why they do what they do will increase dramatically. When you do this, your understanding of them gives you the chance to win their heart.

Understanding accomplishes the following:

UNDERSTANDING REDUCES YOUR ANGER

When you know the reason a person took specific actions, really knowing why someone did what they did, you are often less inclined to get angry with them. If you knew that the person that stole your wallet was a 12-year-old kid that had not eaten a thing in two weeks, you would probably not be very upset. And if you knew that the person that cut you off while driving was desperate to get his pregnant wife to the hospital, you probably would not get too angry, either.

In many instances, if you knew the circumstances that brought a person to do what they did, you might not get so upset with them. If the person harmed you in some way, this understanding you have of them does not necessarily excuse what they did; this understanding just means you will be in more control over yourself, which in turn gives you a greater opportunity to win that person's heart.

UNDERSTANDING BRINGS COMPASSION

There is a story in the Bible about Jesus encountering a widow who had just lost her only child and was on the way to bury him (Luke 7:11-17). Jesus must have known within Himself that she was all alone, and his understanding of her situation brought him greater compassion towards her. Jesus resurrected her son.

Compassion can even help us understand situations of extreme perversion.  During my years of counseling as a pastor, I've discovered that in well over 80% of marriages where at least one partner struggles with sexual perversion of some sort, that this struggle has been the result of some type of sexual perversion having been committed against the struggling partner as a child. In a way, the path these partners were set upon, was one that was forced on them. This understanding in no way excuses their deplorable, despicable behavior, but it does allow me to have more compassion towards the person and, in some cases, helps me to permanently turn the person from their sin. This compassion allows me the chance to help the person—enough, perhaps, to change them from their previous path.

UNDERSTANDING PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY

When someone loses his or her spouse, the person who is able to help them the most is usually someone else who has also lost a spouse. When someone is abandoned or divorced, those that are most helpful to them are often those who have gone through the same thing they have. Again, the key is understanding. To understand someone gives you the opportunity to reach and to help that person.  The more you try to understand someone, the more opportunity you will have to help them.

HELPFUL TIPS

Here are some tips on trying to win the hearts of particular people in your life:

1. Your spouse: Try to walk in their shoes. Know what they deal with each day. Understand their history and try to see the path that created the person you married. Did he grow up insecure? Was she molested as a child? Growing up, was everything handed easily to him so he's not used to failure? Was she an only child?  Did she come from a broken home? All of these experiences make up the person you married.  Understanding the life path your spouse has taken thus far will go a long way in helping you win his or her heart.
2. Your child: The best way to win a child's heart is to spend time with them. Get to know them. What do they go through at school? What happens when they are with their friends? Do you know if they are teased, bullied, or shamed?  Is your child popular, a star athlete or lonely? I will frequently ask my children very specific questions about their life to better understand them.  The better I understand them, the better I am able to be a great father for them and the easier it is for me to win their hearts.
3. A friend: Friends need someone they can relate to. We choose our friends because we have things in common with them. But sometimes, friends go astray, and it is important to be able to win their hearts back. This may require you to be there for them when they are hurt, to understand what it they are trying to accomplish with their behavior, or to recognize their insecurities and failings and love them anyway. This can be a tough role to play, but after all, that's what friends are for.

Understanding is the key to winning someone's heart!  Instead of being quick to judge those around you, why not attempt to understand them better? So the next time you need to win someone's heart, use one of the helpful tips you have learned today—and you will be one step closer to being a positive influence in the person's life. 

– Greg S. Baker pastored a church for thirteen years. He now works as the single's pastor at a local church while writing books to help expand the Kingdom of God within the kingdom of man. His books cover topics that include Christian living, manhood, and the end times. He also writes Christian fiction, believing that fiction is a major avenue for sharing the truth of God's Word. To learn more about Greg and his work, visit http://thedivineingredient.com.